Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
