We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
