I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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