i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
