does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
