I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
