so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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