why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
