i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
