it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
