If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
