So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
