Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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