I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
