I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
