you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
