From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
