I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
