just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
