i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
