Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
