God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
