So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
