omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't turn off my feet"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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