Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
