Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
