You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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