Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
