You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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