Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
