We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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