How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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