trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
