True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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