I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
