If i come over, it means nothing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
