Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
