I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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