so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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