So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
