Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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