after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
