Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
