you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
