guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
