He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
