need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
