im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My bed smells like the plague
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
