I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
