The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
