Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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