im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
