she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
