Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
