You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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