Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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